On May 19, 2011 I was abruptly awaken by pounding on my front door, then I heard whining and crying. I yanked my head from my pillow and I see my 8 year old son Tamyr throwing a tantrum. I groggily look at the clock on my wall and calmly ask him whats wrong, he starts yelling, I missed my bus and its your fault!! So now I'm not only annoyed at the fact that I just fell asleep due to chronic sleep disorder(deprivation) but also because I am curious to know How the Heck is it my fault he missed his bus.
Now let me explain that due to my symptom of insomnia my children's father wakes my son @ 6:00am for school before he leaves for work. His bus picks him up from my corner that I can see from my window promptly @ 7:27am, he's always to wake me (because I've usually just fallen to sleep @ 4:00 or 5:00am) before he leaves @ 7:15am so that he's not rushing. His father makes sure breakfast is had and I usually bark orders like did you brush teeth, use deodorant, got lunch etc; love you have a nice day.
But on this particular day my body didn't respond and I unfortunately didn't here my baby waking me up of course. To ask me where his sweater is, YES HE"S YELLING AT ME BECAUSE HE COULDN'T LOOK FOR HIS OWN SWEATER.
Now I do feel bad and as always i feel depressed and heartbroken that I could be such a horrible mother that I can't wake up to get my child off to school properly. I'm at the time in excruciating pain , don't have a car so the only option would be public transportation, so now I feel doubly horrible because I hurt to bad to fix the situation. I'm actually feeling lazy because I can't take him to school due to pain.
So of course he stayed home with me after I had him find his sweater in 2nano seconds.
Now, I must wake my five year old as I do every morning at 7:30am to get him up and off to school with his best friend's dad who's our neighbor. Surprisingly everything goes off without a hitch. Now remember I said Surprisingly!!
As we fast forward to 3:00pm when my neighbor calls to say they're outside and home from school I get an ear full on how my child was displaying horrible behavior at school. So bad, that an attendant at the school who is also a neighbor had to escort Mr 5 yr old Zaire OUT OF THE CLASS!!! WHAT THE!!!
Now I want to explode because I'm already irritable due to it being a wet. rainy and Achy Day!!
Zaire go to your room You're officially on punishment for the day, Me Laying Down the Law Of Course.
Just when Ya thought it was over the bell rings and its Zaire's friends wanting him to come out and play in the court yard, No boys Zaire is on punishment for bad behavior at school, YES I EMBARRASSED HIM BY TELLING HIS FRIENDS..... L.O.L , So as I go back into the boys room to tidy up, Tamyr is in there interrogating Zaire. I heard mommy say you're on punishment for being bad at school were you bad Zaza, Huh, answer me were you? Me butting in because clearly Zaza is ignoring him, I say, Yes he was! Well I wasn't talking to you I was Talking to Zaire, says Tamyr out his mouth to me. That's it I'm done you are on punishment too, lay down everybody and don't move. I go into the living room to lay on the couch with a blanket and watch Netflix as I clock watch to wait for their dad.
As soon as that man walks in the door at 6:00pm I sit him down and tell all, that will fix them!!
So needless to say by the end of the night I'm crying and snotting tears about how I already feel bad that I'm sick and that they hurt my feelings and stressed me out. I went on on and on about me already being depressed that I'm not my normal self. I can definitely say that, Man I needed that! To let all my fears, dissapointments and self blame go.
I tell this story to say everyday doesn't have to be a good day, a I'm strong day, nor a I'm coping day.
Sometimes you're just not gonna be THAT EXCEPTION TO THE RULE!! Cry it out and try again tomorrow. It's gonna be O.K.!!!
